For many students, having a roommate is the first experience they will encounter in sharing a space with another person, and the adjustment can be significant. Putting two people together who have different habits, personalities, and who may come from very diverse backgrounds can be problematic. However, it is also part of the college experience.
Learning how to communicate and get along withothers in close proximity is a skill that all adults need to develop. No matterhow nice each of you might be, there are bound to be tensions and issues thatarise. Before you explode or get your RA involved, take a look at some of themore common problems roommates face and how to deal with them.
Your Roommate's Significant Other
Is Always There
Your roommate has developed a new loveinterest, and now this third person is hanging around way more often than youwould like. As if that's not enough, they've begun to turn the place into theirpersonal love nest, complete with the smooching, giggling, and other disgustingnoises that go along with young love.
While it's natural for college students to acton their basic human instincts, it doesn't mean you need to feel like anunwilling observer at the petting zoo. If the situation has gotten out of hand,take your roommate aside. Gently explain that while you appreciate their needto spend time with their new partner, it's a small space, and you, too, deserveyour privacy.
If you want to be super cooperative, you couldlet them know you will arrange for an evening to be absent with otheractivities so they can have the room to themselves for romance. This is morethan fair and will show your roommate that you understand their needs, but youinsist that they respect yours too.
Your Roommate Is a Bona Fide Slob
If you are both naturally messies, this maynot even be an issue. However, if a clean and organized area is essential toyou, you will likely find your roommate's sloppiness unbearable. There are afew ways to approach this situation.
First, you could just come right out and tellyour roommate that while you love their free-spirit, their disorganized waysneed to come to a screeching halt. This is unlikely to work, as most slobsdon't like being called on their lack of housekeeping skills, and the rest willnot care. It doesn't make them bad people; it means they have a different levelof tolerance than you.
Another option is to offer (only if you wantto, of course) to organize and tidy up your roommate's space for them. Maybethey lack the necessary skills to do it and would happily take you up on youroffer. Under no circumstances should you organize and clean your roommate'sstuff without their permission, as this violates their privacy.
Lastly, you might consider compromise. Perhapsthe clutter makes it distracting for you to study, but you enjoy your roommateand know you can't change them. Maybe you could find a quiet, neat spot downthe hall to study that will remove you from the situation and keep you fromreaching a boiling point.
Of course, if the situation reaches levels ofdishevelment that are unhealthy or attracting pests, you'll want to take moreaggressive action and get your RA involved.
Your Roommate Keeps You Awake All
Night
In College, activities can begin as early assix am and last until late at night, so it's normal that students will havedifferent sleeping schedules. However, you already know how important a goodnight's sleep is to your mental and physical health. If you find that yourroommate's nocturnal habits are costing you valuable rest, you need to talkabout it.
If you need to get some shuteye by ten andyour roommate rolls in noisily at midnight waking you up, try to establishquiet hours. Explain to them that you need to be awake early and that yoursleep is important to you. Ask them if they could be more subdued when theycome in and avoid bright lights or loud noises.
The same goes for early risers, though, too.Don't start crashing around first thing in the morning if your roommate isstill asleep. Get things ready the night before so you can get ready and off toclass quietly and they can also get some rest.
If you are a light sleeper, you may want toconsider investing in a few things like earplugs, an eye mask, or a white noisemachine to help.
Your Roommate Takes Your Stuff
Without Asking
The care package your Mom sent you issuspiciously missing a few munchies, and your special fuzzy blanket has madeits way onto your roommate's bed. It's time to talk about boundaries. Peopleare different, and while you may be just fine with sharing, it's OK to insistthat your roommate asks permission first.
For many people, their belongings are verypersonal to them and should never be touched. Even something as simple ascoming back to find their roommate's friends sitting on their beds can feelviolating. No matter how each of you feels about things like this, it's vitalthat you are on the same page to keep from overstepping each other's privacy.Discuss in clear terms what you need by telling him or her precisely what youfeel OK sharing and what you do not want to be moved, eaten, borrowed, or used.
Your Roommate Is Constantly There
If your new roommate is the quiet andintroverted type, you might find her constant presence to be a littleoverwhelming. Every time you come back to your room; there she is. Does sheeven go to class?
It's natural to want some alone time in yourown space but tread carefully. Remember that your roommate may find the area tobe a safe comfort zone and it's not right to try and kick them out just becauseyou want to be alone. Yes, you both pay for the room, but you may need to takeyour alone time elsewhere.
If you suspect your roommate is just having ahard time adjusting, can't make friends, or is depressed or homesick, trytalking to them about it. Suggest they tag along with you to an event or even awalk around campus. Maybe they simply need a little extra help coming out oftheir shell.
Know When to Involve Your Ra
Your resident assistant is there to help withthe awkwardness that can come with having a roommate for the first time. Theyare skilled in mediation and can help you navigate conversations that you mightfind too difficult to have alone. If your situation with your roommate hasreached a level of difficulty that you aren't able to overcome, it's time toget your RA involved.
If that doesn't help, Most campuses will haveoptions for switching rooms or helping you find a more compatible roommate.This is particularly true if the problems become insurmountable are interferingwith your studies or well-being.
Recognize When You Are the
Problem
We would hardly be human if we didn't tend tolook at other people's issues instead of our own. However, it's worth taking acloser examination and reflecting on your own actions as well.
Perhaps the problem lies less with the factthat your roommate has a boyfriend and more with the sense of loneliness youfeel. Maybe your obsession with keeping things neat is an attempt to find orderin a new world that feels chaotic to you.
There are always two sides to every story, and many problems can be solved by realizing the issues that lie just beneath the surface. You may find that a good, honest, heart-to-heart conversation with your roommate can uncover some of the real reasons behind the tension and bring some much-needed relief to both of you.
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